Realizations
So I was walking my round this morning and recorded this:
For time on end, that I can think of now, all I've wanted is for someone, or something, to give me a sense of purpose, a job. I wanted to follow direction, because I know if someone gave me something to do, I could be good at it. I've wanted to be able to strive for someone else's direction, or WITH someone else's direction, to go and do... to have a purpose. But I wanted someone to TELL me what that is, what to do. Not necessarily how to do it, but WHAT to do. And I've been looking up at the heavens, asking some greater power what it is that I am supposed to do. Looking, you know, waiting to be told, looking for an answer.
And then it struck me -just now, after all this time-, idiot that I am sometimes, that it's not going to be that easy. That's not what he, or they, are looking for. My purpose is not going to be TOLD to me, but that I have to find it. I have to look and discover it for myself.
I must admit, I am saddened by this, because I am hoping to have contact with the greater... good, greater power, whatever it is, even it is just to be shown direction. But I realize also that to be told what to do, or how to do it, does not make me a better person. It may give me purpose, but as to peace of mind or salvation, it does nothing for me. I have to... I have to find it for myself. I'm not going to get someone else to tell me... well sure, I can get someone else to tell me what to do, but not on the grand scale I'm looking for.
And in other news, I found that I really need to moderate the comments to this blog more often. I found, when I logged in, that Frank Murphy of the Mark and Kim and Frank morning show on Star 102.1 read my blog, and read a part on the air! It was about a dream I had that Frank was in (the post is "Again with the dreams"). And I totally missed it!
Frank, if you happen on by my blog again, is there any way I might be able to get a transcript of that part of the show? Or maybe the show has archives I can access on the 'net? No hard feelings if there's nothing you can do for me; I realize I may be asking for a lot. Thanks for reading!
For time on end, that I can think of now, all I've wanted is for someone, or something, to give me a sense of purpose, a job. I wanted to follow direction, because I know if someone gave me something to do, I could be good at it. I've wanted to be able to strive for someone else's direction, or WITH someone else's direction, to go and do... to have a purpose. But I wanted someone to TELL me what that is, what to do. Not necessarily how to do it, but WHAT to do. And I've been looking up at the heavens, asking some greater power what it is that I am supposed to do. Looking, you know, waiting to be told, looking for an answer.
And then it struck me -just now, after all this time-, idiot that I am sometimes, that it's not going to be that easy. That's not what he, or they, are looking for. My purpose is not going to be TOLD to me, but that I have to find it. I have to look and discover it for myself.
I must admit, I am saddened by this, because I am hoping to have contact with the greater... good, greater power, whatever it is, even it is just to be shown direction. But I realize also that to be told what to do, or how to do it, does not make me a better person. It may give me purpose, but as to peace of mind or salvation, it does nothing for me. I have to... I have to find it for myself. I'm not going to get someone else to tell me... well sure, I can get someone else to tell me what to do, but not on the grand scale I'm looking for.
And in other news, I found that I really need to moderate the comments to this blog more often. I found, when I logged in, that Frank Murphy of the Mark and Kim and Frank morning show on Star 102.1 read my blog, and read a part on the air! It was about a dream I had that Frank was in (the post is "Again with the dreams"). And I totally missed it!
Frank, if you happen on by my blog again, is there any way I might be able to get a transcript of that part of the show? Or maybe the show has archives I can access on the 'net? No hard feelings if there's nothing you can do for me; I realize I may be asking for a lot. Thanks for reading!
posted by Tom at 7:57 AM
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