Drowning

I'm drowning in despair and hopelessness, or at least that's what it feels like.  Any happiness I find is short-lived.  Every morning it gets harder to get out of bed.  I'm constantly late for work.  My temper has gotten very short.  My video games are a distraction from it, but it doesn't work like it used to.  I've been taking my meds but they don't seem to do any good.  I've been in therapy for about 6 months.  I haven't made any breakthroughs yet.  I've started drinking more often.  Not to excess, but a couple drinks for a nice buzz to take the edge off. 

Nothing seems to go right anymore.  The bathroom shower hot water is leaking. I replaced washers, replaced the valve, nothing stopped it.  I don't know what to do about it.  I'm eating everything in sight.   My car is leaking gas more and more when I fill it.  De's dog chewed up the plug on the headphones Ella bought for me.  My insurance won't cover the bariatric surgery I was hoping to have.  I'm starting to wonder if I would be better off dead.  I'm always in pain, from my lower back and now new pains in my middle back and right shoulder.  I'm bringing everyone down.  Except for my income, I don't feel like I provide any value to the household. 

I titled one of my previous posts "Spiraling".  I feel like I've reached the bottom, and I've been sucked down.