I'm fucked up

I was just in the shower, and I was thinking about all the things I've fucked up in my life... Man, there's A LOT of things I fucked up.


I fucked up early in school by getting pulled out of the A.T. (academically talented) class because I didn't keep up with my regular school work. Later, I would really fuck myself over by not caring about school anymore. While this did eventually lead to some good things (my good friend Tony, among other things), it did more harm to my head than good.

I fucked up my future life when I dropped out of college in my third week at FDU. I had a half-tuition scholarship, plus a $1000 grant from the state of NJ. Bye-bye any future career in Computer Science.

I fucked up my chances to be in the marines and with a girl I liked, at the same time. I don't really want to go into details on that, but suffice it to say that it was completely my fault.

I fucked up my first responsible job by stealing money from the company. Luckily, mostly due to the lawyer my parents got for me, I only had to make restitution.

I fucked up most of my jobs due to almost always being late. I royally fucked up my job at KB Toys. I was an assistant manager, but I couldn't get myself there on time to open the store before the mall opened. Then I fucked up and didn't find a job, couldn't pay my rent or my car insurance, so I had to call my parents and make arrangements to move to Tennessee. In a way, that isn't fucked up, because I met my wife here and have four children (well five actually, but that's something else I fucked up too), but at the time it was a fuck up because its not what I had wanted to do at the time.

I fucked up my first job here in Tennessee, making toll calls to my future wife from the company phone. I had to pay back the cost of the calls and lost my job.

I won't take the blame for losing my job at Nashua.

I pretty much fucked up Tony and Sherrie's present life. They were getting by more or less when they were living up north, but the shit hit the fan when they moved in with us. Tony didn't used to drink until he moved here; I blame myself for that. I was always the one that pushed for us as a group to have some drinks; I guess Tony eventually figured that the only way he could enjoy himself was to have a few drinks and the good times will follow. That turned into drinking just to deal day-to-day. Even now that he and Sher have moved out and have their own place, he still feels the need to drink, even though he's away from the pressures of living here.



God I miss them.