Feeling the pressure

So this morning I woke up at 11:30 AM and my eyes wouldn't focus together. Like, I could see OK with either one (relatively speaking), but I could not get them focused on the same thing at the same time.  Made it to the bathroom, peed without missing (as far as I could tell anyways), went upstairs and informed my wife.  A small debate ensues over the best course of action, and we decide that she will take me to the urgent care, because I was unable to drive myself and my problem was not life-threatening.  She got me some clothes, helped me get dressed (she's a doll, what can I say?), and drove me down to the clinic.  As soon as I told the urgent care clinic clerk my problem, she said we'd have to go to the ER, because they don't have the machinery available to look into my eye problem. (See what I did there?)

Disappointed, we went to the local hospital. I felt a little bad at check in, because a gentleman came in right behind who said he had stage 4 cancer, and also thought he was coming down with the flu.  I felt bad because I got to go back before him, and with that cancer he doesn't have much time left.  Long story short, I got poked and prodded, questioned and bled.  Got at CT scan of my head, they said my brain looked perfect.  I should have told them that my brain was a pathological liar and that it sometimes tries to kill me, but my wit wasn't that sharp at that point.  I hadn't even had caffeine yet, and this was afternoon.  Evidently the culprit  is my blood pressure, which kept fluctuating, but was mostly high, around 150-160/85-90.  They didn't see a problem in my eyes, but recommended I go see an opthamologist, and gave me a name.  Also must see my GP and tell her what's been going on. 

Meanwhile, I was trying to call my 3rd shift guard to ask him if he could cover part of my shift this evening, but I never could get a hold of him.  My day shift guard agreed to stay and work 12, which was wonderful since I didn't leave the hospital until 4 pm.  So here I am at work, unmedicated and slightly dizzy, working a 4 instead of an 8, because I had no one else to cover it.

I would enjoy having a little less stress in my life, please.  Thank you.

I wonder

I wonder if anyone I know has noticed that my blog is active again.
I wonder if anyone cares that my blog is active again.
I wonder if I'll have to go to a dentist about my toothache.
I wonder if seeing a psychologist will help my depression or make it worse.
I wonder how long it will take before I get a replacement guard.
I wonder how many times in this post that I'll type I wonder.
I wonder how much weight, if any, I've lost on the whole 30 so far.
I wonder how long before we make meatballs and tzatsiki sauce again. Those were good.
I wonder...

Toothaches suck

Blinding pain.  That's what this toothache is.  It's the kind of pain that makes you want to put your head down until it goes away.  And stupid me, I forgot to bring the ibuprofen with me this morning, so I had to pay $2.50 for 4 tablets at work.  It's working though, I am no longer flinching at loud noises like the telephone or emitting involuntary groans.  Yesterday I had to lay down with the heating pad on my face and took some ibuprofen.  That helped a lot.

The pain started yesterday after I ate an apple.  Don't know why, because I've been eating apples almost daily now since I started the whole30 diet.  I guess it's just the entropy in my mouth.  I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but my teeth are pretty horrible, and I'm very self-conscious of them.  I debated getting dental insurance this year, but I decided to keep my short-term disability instead because I don't know how things are going to go with my back, and I can't really afford both. 

Now I'm afraid to eat anything else, or talk too much, for fear of is starting up again.  I don't want to have to have spent $5 on ibuprofen at work when I have a bottle at home that cost just as much for like 20x as many pills.  Doesn't seem to matter if I chew on the other side of my mouth, moving my jaw seems to make it hurt too.  TMJ, I think it's called. 

A realization

So for the past 3 months I've been working 50-60 hours a week, 7 days a week because we're short handed, and can't seem to find anyone willing to work for as little we pay.  I've been working my regular day shift during the week, and second shift on the weekends.  While I am grateful that I at least get to sleep in a couple of days, the shitty parts are that on Sunday night I have an 8 hour turnaround, where I get off at midnight and have to be back in at 8 AM that morning, and that working second shift leaves me time to think about it during the day.

During the week I have a set routine I follow: Get up, pee, get dressed, wake the boys up, drink coffee, make sure the boys are up, go to the bathroom, pack my bag, and leave.  On the weekend I have no such routine, and I now realize it gives me time to dread.  I have time to think about how much I don't want to go to work today, how much it sucks working second shift again, and having that damned turnaround on Sunday/Monday when I won't get much sleep.  Having to make full rounds on the weekends kills my back with all the walking.  I'm no slacker, I'm doing what they pay me to do.  Having to do a fire extinguisher list, extra walking, extra hurt.  All these things I think about, and dread, for several hours before I go to work.  I think this is what poisons my mood on the weekend, the thinking.

Am I whining about it?  If I had only had to do it for a couple of weeks, or a month, maybe I would admit that, to be fair.  But counting just now, it's been 15 weeks.  In that time I have gotten a total of 1 day off, because we had a new guy, but he quit after a weekend. 

Anyway, my whole point is that I realized why it bothers me.  Too much time to think about it.