My past

Why do I spend so much time thinking about the past? Not just remembering, but thinking that if I just did one thing differently, my life would have turned out so much better. By better, I don't mean that its terrible now, but that I would be in a better position to support my family, and have a better frame of mind.

But why do I think about it? Why should I bother? I can't change what has happened. I can only use it as a guide and not make the same mistakes I have before.

I guess I have a lot of unresolved issues. Most of them will never find closure. Am I going to be this way the rest of my life? I picture myself as an old man, sitting on a rocking chair on the porch of the old folks home, still thinking and lamenting about if I had just done THIS or THAT, how my life would have been so different.

Am I so unsatisfied with my life? I guess I am… I'm sitting here in a dead-end job earning $8.50 an hour to support my wife and 4 children, living paycheck to paycheck. If I hadn't gotten paid when I did, we wouldn't have been able to have Christmas, because all that money would have had to go to the bills and house payment. And thank god for Monica's Aunt Debbie and Uncle Jim. They have been so generous to us every Christmas.