Well, today is/was my birthday. I'm writing this at 2am on Sat, so its technically NOT my b-day anymore, but i haven't gone to bed, so in my mind it still is. Turning 31 was no big deal. Just another number. The day itself was pretty good. I was sung the birthday song right after I woke up and walked into the kitchen, which was slightly annoying as my head was screwed up, but I know they meant well. After a bit of coffee, I got gifts. :) I recieved some underwear, some designer (colored) underwear (hey, I asked for underwear, and I got it, lol) 2 Prince cds (Grafitti Bridge and 1999), Batman on dvd, and Linkin Park's Meteora cd. Very good haul. :) Afterwords, Monica left for work and I had to go see Dr. Milligan about my healing hernia. Short version, it looks good, lose some weight, come back and see him if it starts to bother me again. After that, I went to Anne's house to pick up Thomas and got some gifts there too. :) She gave me a pair of rather large and baggy shorts (why I don't know as I am not a shorts person), a microcasette recorder (which is the one thing I really wanted), and the new Metallica cd St. Anger. Still haven't gotten to listen to it yet, gotta wait till the kids aren't around. Which leads to my next train of thought...

Music. I love music. When I was growing up, I wanted to be a musician. First was drums, then piano lessons, later bass guitar. Piano stuck with me, but I really wish I'd taken the drum pad seriously when I first got it. But I digress. The problem is, I can't listen to what I like anymore. I mean, there is some I can play around the kids, but unless I lock myself away in my bedroom, I can't just jam out anymore. It really bites that they won't let us have radios at work anymore. I swear, music used to be almost my lifes blood. I have all kinds of music, just about anything to match my mood. My tastes run to extremes: Metallica, Led Zeppelin, Prince, Linkin Park, Hall and Oates, Enya, Beastie Boys, Jimi Hendrix, George Michael, Limp Bizkit, Aerosmith, Eminem, Korn, Kid Rock, Cake, Nirvana, Ozzy, Black Sabbath, Queen, Lenny Kravitz, Weird Al, almost anything from the 80's... these all live in harmony on my cd shelf. Yet I can't take out and listen to more than half of them, because its just not appropriate for my kids to hear. Music for me is an outlet, a pathway to my emotions and deep feelings. The things I have bottled up can get release from the strong emotion that comes with certain types of music. Thats one of the reasons I hate being disturbed when I'm playing the piano; to respond, I have to stop what I am doing, halt the flow of the music and the harmony I have created within me. It irks me. Heh, I get the same feeling when listen to cds on the stereo in the living room. The stupid thing will skip out of the blue, for nothing. And that really pisses me off, when you're there listening, singing, absobing the music, just letting it go through you, and suddenly you're in a different part of the song, or a different track altogether. I'm going to break it one day. I guess what I'm thinking is that maybe I shouldn't ask for anymore music, because I just can't listen to it anymore. The weekends are about the only time I might have a chance to listen to something, seriously. Here's my day: Wake up, the kids are around, watching TV, or playing outside. Even if they are all outside I still can't really listen to anything because... I just woke up. I start slow, lol. Around noon, James gets his nap, so loud noise is a no-no until he gets up, anywhere from 3-5. At 3 I go to work, no radios allowed. Bastards. Come home close to midnight, and of course, no music. Kids are in bed, Monica is not going to want to listen to the stuff I'd want to play to help me deal with the crap that happened at work. So then there's the weekends, which is kinda potluck. IF the kids aren't around, and IF Monica can deal with it, I might be able to put something on. OR, if I can manage to sneak away when nothing is in strong need of getting done, I can go downstairs to the bedroom to sit and vibe for a few minutes. Sometimes Monica will join me, but then I get all self conscious and I can't get the release I need.

Wow, I went from happy birthday to music rant. How the hell did I manage that???

Oh well. I have another week off work for recovery, so I will try to make the best of it. I really need to keep up with the nasal spray crap I'm using... supposed to give each nostril 3 squirts and then gently blow my nose, once an hour. I mean, it works and all, but its a pain in the ass to keep track of, and saline solution tastes really nasty, dripping down the back of my sinuses into my throat... I wonder if that affects my sodium intake for the day... hmmm... Oh, yeah, forgot to mention that I got a book from Monica today too, with the stipulation that she gets to read it to me. I've been reading to her, off and on, and she is eager to return the favor, I guess. Hey, whatever works.

Ok, I go now.

Howdy. Well, yesterday I went and had the packing taken out of my sinuses.. ugh, what an experience! For the past 3 days I've had gauze taped to my nose to catch the blood and snot thats been dripping down. So we get there, sign in, wait a bit, and of course, just when I find a good article in a magazine to read, its my turn. So we go down, the nurse has me hop up on the table, asks how I've been doing, blah blah blah, she leaves. Sit and wait for Dr. Merwin, he comes in fairly quickly. I tell him I've been dizzy since the surgery, he says its pretty normal, because of the swelling and drugs, so I stay calm. He takes off the bandage and sets to work... Now, I've had these strings hanging down my nose, a la tampons, the ends tied together at the umm... ends. He gets his little scissors and cuts them apart, and takes a little dish thingy and has me hold it under my chin, so I don't drip all over. Then he takes these little plier-like things and reaches in there, and yanks someting out of each side. Now, I can't see exactly what he's doing, because its so up close and I'd have to be cross-eyed to do it, and being dizzy somewhat, thats not really an option, but Monica has this look on her face like she's both mesmerized and grossed out at the same time... it was kinda funny. Then the doc says "Ok, this is the part that might hurt a little." And I was like "Oh??" You know, he just yanked something out of my nose, I figured he was about done. Apparantly, all he pulled out were the breathing tubes, which were held in by the packing, which is still up my nose... so he reaches up in there again with his mini speculum and pliers, and starts pulling... I swear he was trying to pull a rabbit out of my nose, and I would not have been surprised if he did. I close my eyes because its really uncomfortable, and he finally pulls it out, along with a great big glob of mucous/blod/yuckness. I know this because I can feel it dripping down my face. I open my eyes and look at Monca and she's there all grossed out/fascinated/horrified. Anyways, he goes and does the other side. Its very strange to feel something moving inside your head that you have no control over. It comes out, all gooey and shit, same as the other. He gets some gauze wipes me off a bit, then gets this spray bottle thing and tells me to sniff the stuff.. saline solution, I think. So he's spraying and I'm sniffing, and then he comse at me with this mini-vacuum, and starts sucking out the loose stuff in my nose. Strange feeling, I tell ya. Meanwhile, I've got white-knuckled deathgrip on the table I'm on for fear of falling, so Monica comes up and holds my arm, the comes and stands behind me, lets me lean on her a bit. Finally, he's done spraying and sucking, and gives my face a final once-over with some gauze. He asks me if I can breathe... I inhale... it was a beautiful thing, I tell you. I have never been that clear before, EVER. It feels funny, like my face is hollow. He tells me how much crap in there he had to clean up, trimming back certain parts, and eliminating others that were ridden with infection. Chronic Sinusitis, he called it. So I ask him about sleeping, and wearing the bandage, and he says I can sleep how ever I want now, and don't need to wear the bandages anymore, except for a small one on the way home, in case I drip a little from the spraying. So... now I wait a few days, get some special nasal spray, and then take that 3 times an hour and blow all the rest of the crap out. Oh, and I'm off for 2 weeks for healing. I go back the.. 16th, I believe.

Well, had my sinus surgery Friday. Went by pretty quickly, it seems, and fairly painless, as far as intense pain goes. Felt like I got punched hard in the bottom part of the nose. Bled like it too, for that matter. I have to wear a bandage (gauze) taped to the end of my nose, and change it when it gets dirty, which was pretty often Friday and Saturday. The bleeding seems to have slowed though, and now its just bloody mucous. I have raw spots on my face from the tape.... OUCH. Its hard to find sleep though. I am supposed to sleep on my back, which I have NEVER been comfortable doing, with my head propped up on pillows. I got the pillow thing down, but with a bandage across my nose, my mouth gets too dry like once an hour and I have to wake up and get a drink. So, this equates to little to little or no sleep. Besides which, the boys have been conveniently waking up between 4 and 5 am, and I have been sleeping on the recliner upstairs so I don't roll over in my sleep by accident. If this blog seems disjointed and patchy, its because of my lack of sleep and dizziness. Oye. There Sher, I updated... happy? ;)