More bitching by me

I'm still stuck on this whole yin-yang issue.  Everytime we have the opportunity to get ahead, something seems to happen to get us behind.  A few examples: I go back to work and start having attacks again; Me, Tony, and Moni all working at the same time, then Tony breaking his toe and me in and out of work.  Though I found out from Tony that since he was working when it happened, he'll still get paid since its a workmans comp. case.

School.  I don't see how it will happen for me this year.  The only way it will happen is if we get another car before the end of August.  Schedules vary way too wildly for it to be otherwise.  Though I finally picked a major: Computers and Networking.  I think I'm better off leaving cooking as a hobby; I think I'll enjoy it more that way. 

I'm very close to selling stuff on e-bay for the cash we need.  The regular phone has been turned off for a week, and today the water co. shut off our water, though they are coming back tomorrow to turn it back on; Monica somehow wrangled enough money to get them paid.  And then there's the accidentally bounced checks to the food store and gas company... I just don't want to think about it now.

Dammit, I'm out of soda.

At least I can pee outside. Its dark.
 

Not again...

There must be some bad karma or something in this house.  Day before yesterday, Tony broke his toe at work.  Not a big deal, but painful.  His doc sent him to a foot specialist, who wasn't really a big help.  He'll be fine.  Afterwords, I had to stop at my moms and get the boys from her.  Got out of the car to get the car seat out of the trunk and got dizzy.  Not badly, just a little, but enough to make me worry, since I had already missed work again on Monday and Tuesday.  I fretted a bit, but I went to work anyway.  Work wasn't bad.... just slow, boring, and monotonous.  Packed on the Wal-Mart turret... again.  Woohoo.  That seems to be all they want me to do since I  went back.  I hate packing.  But I digress.

Got home from work, had a cig with Tony and Sher, went and cuddled with the wife for a few, everythign was ok.  Came back up, ate some more dinner, played a little wrestling.  Went back out to have another cigarette... got dizzy.  I don't understand why!  Why did I get dizzy after work?  What was the trigger?  If it was from food, it almost certainly should have affected me at work.  If it had been allergies, I'd have been feeling it all day.

Anyway, I woke up dizzy this morning.  Well, this afternoon actually.  I have this weird habit of sleeping really late when I get dizzy.  For whatever reason, being dizzy makes me tired.  And nauseous.  I'm not going to make it to work.  This is just fucking great.  3 days of missed work this week, vacation last week, and 2 more missed says the week before.  If don't get written up I'll be really surprised.  And if my doctors office doesn't send in the paperwork to the insurance company soon, I'm going to be go ballistic.

Things aren't working out the way they were supposed to.  I've been dizzy to some degree ever since Dr. Merwin released me to go back to work.  I'm supposed to be getting better, not worse.  I'm taking all my meds, just like I should.  I've been taking the antibiotic everyday, religiously, like the doctor told me to.  I've been getting my allergy shots every week like I should.  But none of it seems to help.  I went back to work on the 6th, since the 5th was a holiday, and worked that Tuesday and Wednesday.  Then I got worse, and called in Thursday and Friday, and ended up taking some vacation time last week, in hopes I'd get over it by now.  I haven't.  Today I called in, and this is about the worst I've felt in a long time.  Felt so bad I had to lay down and leave Sher with the kids 'til Moni and Tony came home.  And now Sherrie and Moni don't feel good.  I feel like I'm letting everybody down.  I need to work so I can get us ahead.  I make as much money as Tony and Moni combined.  Our bills are falling behind, we have no money in the bank... I feel powerless.  I can't help my family and I can't help myself.