The funk is strong with this one.

I guess I really opened a can of emotional worms in therapy on Monday.  I have been more depressed this week than I have been in the last couple months.  All because we talked about my childhood and some possibly repressed memories.  I know that I had some happy times as a child, but the negative memories seem to far outweigh the positive ones.  The more I dwell on it the more I want to just withdraw.  And I can't help but dwell on it now.  Memories are now drifting through my head, unbidden.  It's like I disturbed the mud at the bottom of the lake and the water is all cloudy with sediment, only instead of a lake it's my brain, and instead of mud it's childhood memories.

I don't have a lot of good memories from my childhood.  My home life was not normal, and I was picked on and bullied at school.  Some of it was my own doing, sure, but often I was just retaliating and that made it worse.

OK, I have to stop, I'm getting too anxious.

Therapy

So yesterday I saw the psychologist, and it was painful.  I don't want to go into detail about what we talked about, but it has to do with conflict issues I have, and how I deal with it.  We talked about my home life growing up, and at school.  It brought up a lot of bad memories and feelings, and some insight as to why I close up and don't/can't speak.  We didn't have time to figure out a work around, but at least now I kind of know where the issue stems from.