It's done.

I want to thank you all for your comments and support. And its always refreshing to know that someone outside my family read my blog. Comments are always welcome and appreciated. :)

So Monica and I waited up for Tony to come home last night. Well, sorta. I waited up for Tony; Monica snoozed on the couch and I woke her up around 2:30 am when he got home.

Its a funny thing, how life works. According to him, he was all set to quit drinking and go back to valium and tea when he saw Monica's written livejournal post in her notebook. According to Elizabeth, when they talked in the car yesterday, he just had one bad day. Therein lies the problem. I KNOW it wasn't just one day. I've seen the proof. And he's told us before that he's going to change. The only thing that makes this time different is that he sort of has a girlfriend.

He met this woman... well, I don't remember where. Either at a convenience store or a bar. Doesn't really matter. She's been coming to see him at work, he's been seeing her after work. He asked her out. And of course us kickng him, errr... asking him to leave, comes at a time where he's started caring about something, finally.

I told him last night, what really hurts, is that he's willing to change his habits for this woman he just met last week, but not for the family he's been living with for the past 6 months. He's been my best friend for nigh 20 years. My son's middle name is named for him. Hell, Tony is his godfather.

Anyways, he asked us for the chance to regain our trust. He said he's really going to change this time. And you know, I mostly believe him. But I have this cynical part of me that wonders how long it will last. What happens if things don't work out and they break up? Back to the bottle? From what he told us last night, he came really close to self-destruction this week. We already helped him out of that pit once. And Monica said it best: We can't be his rehab all the time.

So I told him, you want to change, do what you have to do. I'm not making any promises. It's not just up to me. He may mean well now, but that doesn't change the past. Hopefully he gets his act together and scrapes up enough money for his own place. I don't really see a future for him in our house anymore.

I'm not taking the blame for this. Yet, deep down inside, I feel guilty about it. Telling my best friend to get out of my hosue is not something I've ever done. I know if he ends up moving back up north with his parents, he'll be miserable. Detatching, I realize that hes' the one that put himself in this position. His actions. His lies, his broken promises. But that doesn't make it easier.

Betrayal?

I'm going to start with some background first, before I get to the point.

6 months ago, Tony called Monica in a panic. To summarize, Tony's drinking had caught up to him; he was having a panic attack and Monica took him to the hospital. He finally realized that he can't keep on drinking like he was and that he needed help. Monica and I agreed that he could move back in with us, as long as he quit drinking. He agreed, and moved back into the basement.

He was making good progress. He was getting up during the day, helping out around the house, playing with the kids, and he seemed happier than he'd been in a while.

Then, in April, Sherrie called him. She wants to divorce him. In response, he started drinking. I can understand this. Its hard trying to get over someone who's been gone for a year, and then when they call it's to completely separate themselves.

It went on for about a week, and we finally let him know it was not O.K. anymore. All the liquor in our house had disappeared. We didn't discover it for a little while, but he admitted later to drinking it. Never did replace it though. We told him that he needed to straighten up, and drinking was not the answer. Drinking didn't help; it only made things worse. He agreed that he needed to find another outlet. I don't know when he started, but he'd been to a shrink and had gotten some meds.

About 2 weeks later, we got a call from the County Sheriff's office. Tony had been arrested the night before for public intoxication. $250 dollars later we bailed him out. We had a talk on the way home. Told him he can't keep doing this. He said he'd pay us back, and he did, but I told him it wasn't about the money. It was about keeping his promise, staying sober.

Fast forward another week or two, the beginning of May. One morning when Monica was getting me up, she noticed that there was quite a bit of Jim Beam missing from the bottle we were keeping in our room. She went upstairs; I was getting my slippers on so I went up after her. As I started going upstairs, I saw Tony take a bottle out from under his blanket and take a swig from it. We kinda had it out about it later; he said he didn't take any of the Jim Beam but admitted to drinking because he "wanted to enjoy his weekend". I told him, again, that he had agreed not to drink while he was living here, that it was not cool, and I couldn't tolerate it anymore. He said he understood, said he wouldn't drink after the weekend.

Today.

Monica saw Tony was passed out on his couch. She suspected he'd been drinking again. I agreed. Sure enough, in his trash can outside, were two large liquor bottles and a smaller, flask sized one. On the couch next to him was a McDonald's cup, half full of clear liquor.

Its not like he's got anything to be depressed about. He started helping out around the house. He pulled weeds with Monica a couple days ago. He just met a woman he really likes. She's been coming to see him at work, he's going out with her tonight after work, I think. They're supposed to go out to a club/bar on Saturday. I was supposed to go too.

I feel like I've been betrayed. He's lied to me. He's hiding his liquor. There's mouthwash in the back of his car and under his TV table. I don't know what to do. He's been my friend for 20 years. But the stress level in the house is really high. Do we kick him out? I don't know what that would do to our friendship, but then, its not like he hasn't been taking advantage of that anyway. The talks aren't working. Sure, he might stop drinking for a few days, but I know he'll just start up again, being more sneaky about it, or just drinking before he comes home at night.

Crap, I'm almost late for work.